Words Unspoken

I did not imagine a blessing would come to me
I did not know anything yet at first
So happy that finally, this was the moment I’m waiting for
Shy at first but
eventually, I keep myself head up
learning new skills and obtaining new challenges
time flies so fast
I was so scared to make mistake
I was ashamed of what would happen next
I became quiet
I kept on thinking. thinking. thinking
not knowing I was drowning with my own thoughts
I reach out to the people who I’m close with
But I then still don’t know how to change it.

I lose my confidence
slowly until it was flopping
I keep on teaching myself to trust my guts
but it’s too late
I lose my motivation

I predict that moment will happen
The day he said that totally drop my mind
It’s such a terrible day
My throat becomes dry
So I sip a drink
It was a crucial stage to decide
will I fight for it? Or just leave?
tryin’ to say something
but the words won’t come out
At the end of the day all the thoughts
remain unsaid
for the last time, I did not say anything

 

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Confessions of an Ambivert

Hi! I’m sure you click this because you are an ambivert too? Or maybe you’re curious what an ambivert can be. Any of the two?

What is Ambivert? Ambivert is both introvert and extrovert in some ways. It depends on the situation. If you love meeting new people but you need to have an accompanied from someone who you comfortable with, most probably your best friend, to help you to become relaxed to the place. Small talk doesn’t make us feel uncomfortable, but it does get boring, We can be shy and nervous around people we don’t know well. When a topic of interest come up in conversation, we’re more happy to talk in great detail about it. Another thing is when there’s a tendency to balance out whoever you’re with – If I’m with someone loud, I’ll be quiet. If they’re quiet, I’ll compensate for that. Most of us are observant, we tend to observe what’s happening around.

I am proud of myself

One day it's just clicks...
I realize what's important and what isn't.
I learn to care less about what other people
think of me and more about what I think of myself.
I realize how far I've come and 
I remember when I thoughts things were
such a mess that they'd never recover. I then smile.
I smile because was truly proud of myself
and the person I've fought to become. 

-Anonymous 

What happened to me? That’s what I was asking myself months ago. I got through my ups and down in my 21 years of existence. a roller coaster ride with extreme highs and lows. From the opportunities coming my way and the overwhelming praises down to¬†considering myself as a failure and a coward that I use to overkill my thoughts, over think my mistakes, my mind floats and it’s always feels like living in misery.

But the ride is worth it because….

I am proud of myself because I still¬†have accomplishments ahead to look forward to. I’ve never stopped dreaming, always kept reaching for more and continuously learning and growing….¬†

#Turningtwentytwo

Another year awaits! ūüôā

What I really want to be?

Currently thoughts Vol. 2: What I really want to be?

What I Really Want to Be-

I remember…

when I was a kid, I dreamed of being an interior designer. I always borrow books in the school library that is related to designing a house. I also dreamed (and always be) to be a model because I like wearing pretty clothes like what I have seen worn by a celebrity or a model.

Back then during high school days when my classmates and friends were excitedly preparing for an upcat, acet, ustet, la salle… name it all. None of those schools I didn’t even try. Guess what? Because I don’t know what course should I take. I personally want to take Multimedia Arts, but my parents don’t think I can do it. My father recommend me to take Tourism because I’m tall and they want me to be a Flight Attendant someday…..

I take it. I take an exam at FEU and got passed! After my first semester they ask me if I still want to change my course which I always wanted. (Multimedia Arts vs Tourism Management). To keep this long story short. I take my course as it is.

After graduation, I was thinking where should I be working?¬†I have this indecisiveness thinking. (Kinda like to work and kinda like to study again ang gulo ko diba? :D) ¬†so I enrolled myself in a school that offers a short course — Multimedia Specialist video editor and special effects. I got enlightened in every lessons, I discovered new about editing videos, that I can apply. This industry really matter the creativeness of work, storytelling skills, imagination, pace and timing and a lot of HARDWORK! Actually, it is fun naman talaga editing but its all about hard work and of course the PASSION in it.¬†This is my hobby since I was a teenager.

Fast forward………….

After the 10 session of my short course. Sa sobrang tambay ko sa house I got boring and started applying to different companies related and unrelated to my¬†(4) year course.¬† It nice to be hired on an unrelated job. It is possible as long as you are fit to them. Besides, having one is fine and the fact of being productive in a way. I just had the opportunity but its didn’t last. I’m currently hunting a job again and also to unleash my mind through all negative vibe or overly think on things that I’ve been and tryin’¬†to figure out the things that I should do to regain my confidence again.

Now, currently in Rated PG a.k.a Patay gutom mood Hahaha and seeing things in a positive way. Hoping and praying that something good will  happen.

PS: My real drama here is I want to have a job first before becoming what I really wanted (v/blogger). Why? I want to gain knowledge from other people first and to experience the world of being in a corporate (sounds weird ba? Haha. Well this one in my wishlist eklabern ^^ that I want to fulfill first) before signing in into my dream.

How about you what’s your dream (job)?

10

Anxiety vs overthinking

 

Currently thoughts Vol. 3: Anxiety vs overthinking 

PROLOGUE:

As I was scrolling thru my facebook wall, I saw a candy Magazine’s article of Tricia Gosingtian’s thoughts about her anxiety. (My fave blogger that’s why I click it).


20046903 - stop overthinking advice or reminder in colorful sticky notes

I’m currently asking myself while writing this. Do I have an anxiety or I’m just an over thinker? Over thinking that leads me to negativity. Also, one thing about me is I’m an observant person I care too much in the facial expressions, it has meanings to me, meanings that I can’t stop thinking and usually make me feel uncomfortable. My mind turns negatively my mind is full of consciousness, fear, tensions, and panic for no reason.

Whenever I feel that I’ve been talked back by someone or hearing unpleasant words. I stay in a quiet mode all of the sudden. Then, I’m afraid of doing what I need to do. I know I can but there’s always hesitations already. There’s always “baka” baka magkamali ulit ako, baka sabihin/isipin is ganito ganyan. Started to feel unused and doubting myself (Self-worth)

Was it all in my head? Am I just too paranoid? Was it all in my mind only?

2

“Kaya mo yan!” “Tangalin mo ang pagka concious mo kaya paulit ulit ka nagkakamali.”¬†“Ilabas mo kasi yung kulit/daldal mo sa iba.”¬†Friends will always say this to me.¬†I feel trapped with all my thinking don’t know how to retrieve it.

I hate this feeling. Don’t want to elaborate more of it. I need ¬†motivation and be positive AGAIN, like I was before, when I didn’t encountered that situation. ¬†Although I left wounded, I self pity in that situation I will value those things that will never do that again. Great thing is I will treasure that lesson in my life.

No more negative please! YOLO Life AGAAAIINN!

Being a Student vs Real life

Currently thoughts Vol. 2: Being a Student vs Real life

You’ll never know what real life is until you finish college. Back to zero lahat as in. You’ll think what’s gonna happen in your life now. You may have plans but you don’t even know how to start it. You want to find a job that related to your course. You’ll be more picky or choosy pa nga. At first being choosy is normal, kasi yung fact na gusto mo talaga makapasok sa magandang company.

Tama nga sila yung mga alumni na nagsabi na enjoy your life being a student “lubusin mo yan kasi after nyan you’ll gonna miss it.”¬†You will always wanted to be a student na lang or dapat pinagbutihan ko pa nung college. Some of us doesn’t like going to school or you’re but to see your friends, your crush and because you have your allowance. We always wanted to know Kung kailan ang holidays and nag aabang ng bagyo. Masasabi ko lang na it’s all true pala that you will remember on being a student.

I remember when I said that I want to graduate and (maybe) find a job I just want to escape for being a student for a long time. Like hell yeah finding a job is not easy.